(Okay, so the new title's a bit of a stretch, considering ol' Lurch is a sitting Senator and Mr. Webb is not, but hey, a guy's gotta try something for wittiness over here, doesn't he?) John Kerry has some interestingthoughtsonour distinguished military.
It'll be interesting to see how his "people" spin his remarks, indeed.
Update: Michelle says so, so like the obedient mindless conservative zombie robot apparatchik I am, I obey. GRR, BRAINS!
Update again: HAHAHAHAHA! Senator Umbrage has a rather testy response to us "right-wing nut-jobs." Can't stand being hit where it hurts, huh?
Update x3: I'm going to have this edit page handy for Lurch's press conference. I'm sure it's going to be solid-gold foot-eating, as usual! Until then, enjoy this latest fright, brought to us by FreeRepublic's Registered:
Scaled down for your protection. Click on image to save the fully-frightening version!
Ah, that's better. Now MSNBC is flacking for Lurch. Save your breath, guysâhe's dug himself this hole, and we're intent on making sure he stays in it!
Update x5: We've got some more TV-enabled bloggers live-blogging this event, and video will be forthcoming soon. Can't wait to dissect this latest flip-flop!
Typical Massachussetts voter.
Charles says, "Kerry thinks heâs doing the right thing by being so confrontational, after his weak response to the Swift Boat controversy. But this press conference was a complete disaster. He could have defused the whole thing by simply saying he was sorry to the troops for any misunderstanding, or some such political palliative. Instead, he went all the way angry. Say goodnight to your political future, Flipper." I disagreeâvoters in Massachussetts (I won't use the New Hampshireite pejorative to describe them, but hopefully you know what it is) will reÃ«lect Kerry until the cows come home.
Well, maybe Charles only meant his future beyond that Commonwealth is limited, which would be a fairly accurate suppositionâexcept for the 25% of American voters that align themselves with the aforementioned group of dirty, elitist snobsSocial Activists.
John Kerry's clarityâ"clear" as in "mud."
Update x(I lost count): HotAir has the video! I love how he starts by making things "crystal clear," and then immediately NOT apologizing for anything. After all, George W. Bush and the international ZIONIST conspiracy obviously have all of the blame!
Thorough fisking following the break.What an idiot!
"The White House's attempt to distort my original statement?" I think the Blogosphere was on it hours before anyone at the White House said anything...
"A testament to their abject failure in making America safe." And how do you propose we do that, Lurch? Having a campfire circle with the terrorists and singing "kumbaya?"
About "reducing everything to raw politics:" YOU were the one that equated stupidity with serving in the military, jackass!
Has John Kerry ever attempted to use the military as a backdrop? I'm thinking of a certain fauxtograph of him trying to strike up a conversation with a couple of marines in a Wendy's somewhereâHow'd that work out for ya, Lurch?
"In which they have not told the American people the truth." As I recall, you were convinced that Saddam had WMDs too, were you not? And as a Senator, you have access to the same Classified information that the White House does, do you not?
"100 men and women who have given their lives for a failed policy." There you have itâLurch does NOT appreciate the sacrifices of our troops. They died fighting for something they believe in, a concept wholly alien to a BEATNIK traitor-to-his-country such as yourself, Lurch!
Another moment of reflection on our "failed policies" in VietnamâWill the Democratic party ever progress past the 1970's?
A "textbook" Republican campaign strategy? What, like withholding evidence against a certain member of the opposite party in Congress until a month before the election? Oh wait, that was the Demo-tards who did that...
"Try to make something else the issue, something else the policy." Speaking of which, what's your position on Iraq this week, dolt?
"Someone who's been fighting my entire career for veterans." Is that why you and ol' Chappaquiddick voted against just about every single new weapons system developed in the 80's?
John's above criticizing veterans, but he's not above criticizing the President they serve. D'ya think the military likes you criticizing their Commander-in-Chief, turd? One who's far more popular amongst the troops than X-42 ever was?
"A classic GOP textbook Republican campaign tactic." Is that the party talking-point of the week? It's rather catchy.
Did the American Legion serve their country in war? Did John McCain? Ol' Botox Face doesn't seem to think so.
"And this President and his Administration didn't do their homework." I wasn't aware that we were campaigning for President right now. Is the Democratic party still stuck on stupid?
I don't believe Rush Limbaugh ever mimicked Michael J. Fox, but maybe Lurch has spy cameras watching him.
"A Katrina foreign policy." What, we let the incompetent Democratic mayor of New Orleans and the rediculously incompetent Democratic Governor of Louisiana run the war effort? When'd I miss that memo?
"Unwilling to give them the armor they need." I thought YOU voted against that, Lurch?? Or was that after you voted for it?
A sitting Senator from the (People's Insane) Commonwealth of Massachussetts just called the coalition aligned with us in defending Iraq from terrorists like Muqtada al-Sadr inadequate? I'm sure that Britain, Poland, and the dozens of other countries that have contributed to that effort genuinely appreciate your remarks, Senator.
Lurch, if we wanted to debate a real veteran on the topic, why would we come to you? It's not like you have a long and distinguished record of service in Vietnam, did you? And you certainly didn't come home and bash the troops that you just claimed to be serving with, throwing all kinds of insanely false accusations at them, eh?
A "standstill" policy in Iraq, and a "cut and run" policy in Afghanistan? Is that Seattle air getting to you, Lurch?
"Our troops deserve better" is so 2004. We're long past that, Senator.
For someone who complains so loudly about Republican "deflections," it's interesting to see how you handled that reporter's softball question to you re: Senator McCain's condemnation of your remarks. "Senator McCain should ask for an apology from Donald Rumsfeld." How is that not deflection, Captain Hypocrite?