Or, welcome to my low-maintenance heck.
So it's that time of year again. The birdies are chirping, the flowers are rushing to be in bloom, the pollen is screwing up the beautiful black paint job on my car, environmentalists are crying, the earth is getting pissed on by Calvin....
That's right, it's another Earth Day
, boys and girls! The most farcical and ridiculous joke of a day
in the entire
So, in celebration and honor of this most glorious day I have mapped out a few things we can all
do to help out Mother Earth and her queer husband Al Gore:
- Go out and test drive a nice, fuel efficient vehicle with really low emissions.
- Buy your fuel from an ecologically sound source.
- While you're out and about, remember to eat at a more carbon-neutral restaurant.
- Maybe order the most compassionate treat from the menu.
- Read up on IMAO's Fun Facts About the Earth.
Feel like you've done too much damage already? Well fear not, because thanks to the miracle of modern
, you can always pay somebody else
to make your heart feel all better.
What's that? Have I offended your wittle feelings?Bwahahahahaahah!
Why don't you go home and cry to mama, you Marys!
Ye Olde Dominion