Or, welcome to my low-maintenance heck.
Apparently, Thuggo Chavez is claiming that he barely escaped being murderized... by a laaaaaaaaaser (translation via FreeRepublic):
Chavez reiterates that 'everything indicates they're trying to kill me'
In the [campaign] event, he repeated that recently "a strange light traveled through my body, around here, where my heart is, and then around here", he said while pointing to his head.
One wonders if there was a shark
attached to said "laser."
Which reminds me: