What would our past have looked like had our ancestors believed as strongly in government bailouts as the mentally deficient sitting in our Congress do today? That's not a question I figured that I'd have to ponder at any point in my life, but apparently, since our country has reached such a low as to make this an inevitable necessity—it has become necessary.
Paging through the Snapped Shot Book of Alternate History, here's a little scenario I found:
Ye Town Crier Association Applauds Kingdom Bailout ProgrammeLONDON, 11 October, 1684 /TCNEWSWIRE/—To be cried in a most exuberant manner upon ye nearest towne square at the soonest possible occasion.ye Trade Mark.
"The streets in the kingdom cried out loud the evening past, full of merriment and joy at the news that the Crown Parliament has passed Ye Act of Preserving the Town Crier Henceforth. This Act, of which we are joyful, recognizes that the very People of London wish not to receive their news from ye "Broad Side News Papers," as such instruments of scurvy and pox are surely not sufficient to endow upon ye Citizenry such depth of Knowledge as ye TOWN CRIERS® can.
"The House of Lords debated for many a fortnight over ye Amount to which the Kingdom would provide to ye Town Criers for their work of infinite value, and it was decided that ye summe of £14 million would be sufficient to protect the industry during its present, certainly Temporary slumpe. The King, embossing upon said Act his Royal Assention, has preserved our TOWN CRIERS® for our posterity, and if it be God's Will, has sent the scourge of 'Broad Side News' into ye rubbish bin into which it belongs.
"'It was only the natural outcome of events,' said TCA President John Watson. 'The Parliament has recognized the valuable service that can only be provided by certified TOWN CRIERS®, and has acted with an interest to protect the people from ye scandalous printed word.'
"The Association thanks Parliament for their valuable Service, and stresses that only such amounts of Treasure which are appropriate for the good health of said Lords have been remitted ahead of time. No such Funds have been exchanged with ye Lords in exchange for the passage of Said Act."
So was it enjoined by the People of England; so was it passed. May the work of we Town Criers continue evermore.
SOURCE Town Criers Association—Ye 4th Stable from the Left, Downing Street at Young's Plaza.