The Ghost of Snapped Shot

Or, welcome to my low-maintenance heck.

Politics is for Chumps, After All

As Frank J. of IMAO points out, we've got much bigger problems to worry about than the White House:

A lot of people take politics really seriously. They're like, "If Obama gets elected or McCain gets elected and lets all the illegal immigrants in America, the world is going to end!" That's stupid. The way the world is going to end is if it gets hit by an asteroid. With everyone worrying about the stupid election, I don't think anyone is paying attention to the asteroids. One could hit us tomorrow and that's like it. We're all dead. Are the candidates talking about asteroids? No. They're talking about the economy and gas prices. Well, that's not going to help us. Doesn't matter if we have a lot of money; you can't bribe an asteroid. And I don't know what you'll do with gas to try and stop the asteroid except maybe coat it in it and set it on fire -- which will just get you a big flaming asteroid which is even worse.

Right now, the asteroids are hiding out between Jupiter and Mars plotting and planning and making their physics calculations on exactly how to launch themselves to hit us. If we want to stop them, we need a plan. Hundreds of years ago, the asteroids killed the dinosaurs. Know why? They didn't have a plan. We're going to be different.

And the plan is not going to be, "Let's just shoot the asteroid and blow it up." This isn't some videogame; you can't stop rock by shooting it. It's not a gorilla. And if you did play the videogame, you'll know that even if you succeed, you'll just turn the asteroid into multiple smaller asteroids which are just as deadly. We need a smart plan to stop the asteroids.

I got one. Here's what we'll do: We'll paint Mars blue. The asteroids will see Mars, think it's us, and hit it instead. It's simple and it will work. So you're asking, "Why not paint Venus? It's the same size and should make a more convincing Earth." That's idiotic. For one thing, it's super-hot there, so how the hell do you plan on painting it? Also, it's further away from the asteroid belt than us, so the asteroids will see the real Earth before seeing the decoy Earth. Painting Venus is a truly idiotic plan. You're disgustingly stupid for even suggesting it. This is why I sometimes think of just giving up blogging because I just can't deal with people as stupid as you are.

Sheer brilliance from the man who came up with the legendary plan to bring about world peace via nuking the moon. Be sure to click on over to IMAO and read the rest of Frank's awesome plan!



#1 captainfish 03-Jul-2008
You sure this did not come from another one of your spam emails????

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