So, I don't get the anticipated hate mail that Brian is fortunate enough to receive, but I have managed to find myself on the Islamic World guest book!
According to my email from the Chief imam of the Abuja National Mosque (which, BTW, does not allow non-Muslims to enter), I have been specially selected to offer my assistance:
(All emphasis is mine.)
from: ABUJA CENTRAL MOSQUE NATIONAL
date: Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 10:59 PM
subject: PEACE BE UNTO YOU&FAMILY(Assalam u' Alaikum)
ABUJA NATIONAL MOSQUE
#13, INDEPENCE AVENUE , ABUJA , NIGERIA
TEL: +234806366330, FAX: +234808212387
Assalam u' Alaikum
Good day, I write to you, in the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful". I wish to say may the infinite mercy and peace of Allah be with you and your family. [Ed: But you won't, because I might be just a filthy kuffar.]
I am Ustaz Musa Mohammed, and by the special grace of the almighty, I'm the chief imam of the central national mosque, Abuja in Nigeria as you can see in the website (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abuja_National_Mosque) [Ed: Cool! A Wikipedia website! We all know how difficult they are to come by...] above, for clear of thought. I hereby write you in the name of Allah, after goimg (sic) through your profile in the Islamic World guest book [Ed: (Must have been another D Martyr, but I won't say anything...)], to consider and see reason in complying with this plea of mine.
In view of the ongoing construction and rehabilitation of the demolished mosque in port Harcourt, the capital city of River State in Nigeria, our charity home for Islamic less privileged Muslims (Allamagiri) and their fourth [Ed: they've only been able to afford 4 Ramadans? How sad! It must be terrible to be too poor to FAST.] coming Ramadan (Ramadan) [Ed: oh, that Ramadan!], we the entire member of the Nigerian national Muslim congress under my leadership, wish to contact all hearted Muslim brothers and sisters [Ed: Good luck finding one...] all over the world to come to their aid.
This decision was adopted after a General meeting of the central working committee, which was held chairman on Friday [Ed: After evening
riotsprayers, no doubt...] by his Excellency Umar Musa Yaradua. Also as you can see in this news link; http://www.nigeriafirst.org/article_7393.shtml [Ed: Pictures of Muslims after Friday night prayers, yeah, that convinces me of your sincerity...], in this, after viewing your good profile at the world Islamic site [Ed: Brian, I want a raise.], we decided to contact you and seek your contribution to this project of us for Allah, whom we all serve. It should interest you to know [Ed: And yet strangely it doesn't...] that in the past few years, the said mosque was demolished in this capital city by then the government in power over alleged religious crises. [Ed: In America, we call it "eminent domain"] And after they gained judgment from the high court to breach this ugly event that we have decided to rebuild the said mosque.
As a result, after due trials from members and private individuals around, we have decided to reach out to Muslim brothers and sisters all over the continent [Ed: Wait a second - I thought you were in Nigeria... ?] to seek for help and assistance in terms of moral, material and finance [Ed: I think I'll offer moral support for now, and see how that goes...] in finishing the project. No amount is too small or too. [Ed: That's good, because I'm only offering a minuscule amount of moral support.]
Following this mail, we wish to ask for assistance [Ed: Well, why don't you just ask for it in this email?! After I've wasted all this time reading it...] in the form of finance, moral and materials. We shall be appreciative, if our request can be granted no matter how small or big it might be. [Ed: But size really does matter, eh?] REMEMBER; He/she that works for Allah, Allah shall also work for him/her, in turn. I urge you to comply
ALL CORRESPONDANT/REPLY COPY SHALL ALSO BE SENT TO THE PORTHARCOURT IMAM FOR RECORD;
MILE (1) CENTRAL MOSQUE,
#173 IKWERE ROAD ,
PORTHARCOURT CITY COUNCIL,
RIVERS , NIGERIA
Please if you so wish responding to this plead, you are required to send a copy of your donation [Ed: I shall get a copy of a 25,000 dinar bill in the mail immediately.] and your passport photograph [Ed: Did you want my bank account number as well?] to the email contact above, With your personal information for we shall publish and send a copy of our appreciation to you in our yearly magazine.
(1) FULL NAME; [Ed: D. Martyr]
(2) CONTACT ADDRESS; [Ed: SnappedShot.com]
(3) COUNTRY; [Ed: The Land of Satan]
(4) AMOUNT TO BE DONATED (please specify in dollars) [Ed: 25,000! Oh, you said DOLLARS! I was going to send dinars...]
(5) YOU'RE PASSPORT [Ed: WTF did you just call me?! And now you expect me to help?]
Thanks for your anticipated co-operation.
Ustaz Musa Mohammed (Imam) [Ed: That's CHIEF imam to you 'Islamic less privileged Muslims'!]