The Ghost of Snapped Shot

Or, welcome to my low-maintenance heck.

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Bloodninja Chronicles

A few snippets from the world of cyber sex. It's not what it used to be...

I'm putting the conversations below the fold because some is rated R.

(Language Alert!)

Cyber geeks and cyber sex don't mix:



bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 f*ck of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.

bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.

bloodninja: Baby?



Role playing:



bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: f*ck, am I hard now.



Our hapless heroine from the first chat tries again...



BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something



Even vegetables aren't spared:



bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?

bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?

Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.

bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:

bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

Katie_007: is that it?

bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.

bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?

Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.

bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.

Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.

Katie_007: ...

bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.

bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.

Katie_007: whatever.

 Tags: humor FridayFun


Comments:

#1 Anonymous 23-Jan-2010

Hey, where did you get this article? I was curious because I had an instructor for Intro to Cinema at Texas Tech show this exact same hilarous cyber sex dialog, that he made, to his class... I was just wondering if you DMartyr, happen to be the instructor I had or if you just found this on the internet?

#2 DMartyr 23-Jan-2010

I found it on the net. I was looking for something else and stumbled upon it accidentally. :)

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