A cancer sufferer was told he could not book a hospital appointment - because records showed he was dead.
Alan Campbell rang a booking system phone line after becoming worried that the disease may have spread to his throat.
But when he tried to make an appointment with the NHS Choose and Book system, a telephone operator informed him their records showed him as 'deceased'.
Mr Campbell, who has also survived a stroke and a heart attack, contacted his doctor and was told the problem had been resolved - only to phone the Choose and Book system again to be told their records still showed he was dead.
The best part?
NHS Blackburn with Darwen Teaching Care Trust Plus, in Lancashire, which is responsible for the phone service, has now apologised for the error.
Mr Campbell has been told he will contacted within 14 days to arrange an appointment with an oral and maxillofacial surgery specialist.
Nevermind that a mindless dolt reading an inaccurate database (hooray for the efficiency of The Computer Age) was unable to think beyond the screen in front of him—He's now been given the leisure of waiting another 14 days before he can be put back on a waiting list for an appointment.
Janice Horrocks, executive director of Engagement Partnerships and Operational Development, said they were investigating the case, adding: 'We are sorry for the distress experienced by this patient.
The distress was "experienced by" the patient, but was "caused by" whom exactly?
The Hospital knows not.
The most beautiful part of this is that this happens despite the fact that NHS computerized their records decades ago. Which is exactly the same thing that the Obama Administration promises will somehow make American medicine "more efficient."
Which is in other words just a pile of checkbox medicine the likes of which have plagued England for a generation now.
But hey, at least it's "modern."